So my family was cleaning up the basement when my little sister walks up to me, hands me a pink sticky-note and says "Can you explain this to me? I'm kind of scared."

The sticky-note was a list of things in my writing. It said:
- Helicopter
- smexy makeouts
- "Oh hell"
-sm vs. military
- sm "kira"
- barbershop
- lex's gayness "handsome"
- fighting at shrine.

For the life of me I had no freaking idea what anything on that list meant or why/when the heck I had written it down.  It was a very WTF moment.  Who the hell was sm? Why did I jot down something about helicopters and smexy makeouts? I mean, I could guess that the apparently gay lex I was writing about was Lex Luther from Smallville, and Kira is a cereal killer in Death Note, but that did not help me figure out what the heck this note was about.

Luckily my younger bro has a better memory than me and could tell me that all these things related to a Superman animated movie we had watched and made total fun of.  Now I remember saying to him "The only thing that could complete this movie is if a helicopter exploded" (and btw, one totally did) and sm (Super Man) totally tramatized all these people in a barbershop, and was acting all evil and reminded me of Kira and he fought against the military.  My brother also adds that apparently Lex acted in a very homosexual manner at one scene (I regret using the word 'gay' as a presumed classification that all homosexual men act a certain way that is different than society's norm. I'm sorry.)

I still have no idea where shrines and smexy makeouts come in, but now at least I know that I'm not losing my mind!

Don't really know why I'm writing this here. Maybe just in case I die in the next while and I want my family to read this and know things I don't really want to talk about.

Anyway, I'm 17. I'm also shy and unattractive, which isn't the best quality for man-catching. Anyway, as I said before, I'm 17. I have also never been on a date before, or anything romantic at all, with anyone.

I just started University, in which talk of sexuality is much more potent than in High School.  I have a course in Greek Civilization, which, of course, involves a lot of Greek Art. Greek Art, of course, involves a lot of looks at the male genitals.

When you're a little girl you think "Ewww, penises are gross" and such. Since I've grown up I'm supposed to think that male genitals are great for pleasure and stuff, aren't I? But I don't. I still think of the penis and testicles with disgust. I find them "icky".

So then I started thinking about my sexuality, and how I don't think I'd mind being with other women.  I don't think I'd care if I was with a guy or a girl. I mean, I still think guys can be sexy, but I can think about girls that way too. I mean, awhile before thinking about all this, I got a girl!crush on Dakota Fanning in the movie Push. Something about her skinny-dirty-punk-chick look did it for me.

So, umm, yeah. I think I'm attracted to both sexes. Or, at least, I'm open to both sexes. Urban Dictionary classes me under bi-curious.

I wonder what my parents would think of this. They think I'm so innocent and stuff. They never would expect I'd think on these things. They would also never suspect that I read boy-on-boy porn fanfictions... not that I have, or anything *cough Draco/Harry, Sokka/Zuko, Jet/Zuko cough* I'm sure they wouldn't mind, though.

Anyway, that's all.

Edit: I've decided to ponder different things I'm attracted to in each sex. I'll keep adding to it later on.
                             Male                                                                  Female
Looks Hottest in:           Turtleneck sweaters                                             wearing only a striped collared shirt that is a men size and way too big.
Sexiest attitude:           Angst, sensitivity, need-to-be-healed, dangerous                           Innocence/petite or grungy/spunky
Sexiest Body parts:      Shoulders (I have a thing for shoulders)                                        Hips and/or shoulders (shoulders are so sexy!) I like 'em skinny w/ curvy hips                                                                                                                                                      and little breasts.

I read this fic awhile ago and in one chapter Harry Potter was subbing in as Defence Against Dark Arts Teacher.  And ever since then I've had this vision of Harry sitting on the corner of a table in the DADA classroom and smiling, wearing a black turtle-neck.  And it's really hot.

It's random visions like this that make me wish I could draw.